Wednesday, October 30, 2013

The Wrecking Ball

Ever since I returned home from the Influence Conference I have felt attacked by the enemy (more so then usual...) Now I am no stranger to his attacks, or falling victim to them but yesterday my heart literally felt like someone was taking a wrecking ball to it... the baby was sleeping, and I grabbed my book to settle into a comfy chair and get lost for awhile... I couldn't even open the book because it literally felt like my heart had a wrecking ball swinging for it the second I sat down... like someone was digging, and scooping, and tearing down walls, all while I attempted to build them up quicker and faster and stronger then before, like y'all my chest actually HURT. This was no enemy attack I know... I know it was God, and I know it is only for my good but sometimes  read all the time I am like a four year old when it comes to God. He says things (or I guess rather hints at them,) and I flat out ignore Him or stick my finger in my ears and say, "lalalalalalalalala I can't hear you."  (SO mature I know ;p )  But why do I really say, "NO" in the first place?! It's because He asks/nudges me to do HARD THINGS, things I'm not in the slightest equipped to do... yeah yeah HE is equipped blah blah blah I've heard it before but still...

I like "My Plans" <-- yes I know God laughs at these, and yes I know everything and anything that has ever been good hasn't gone according to my plan but still... I like my plans...

The ever wonderful Lara Casey played this during her session at Influence and I was literally in tears the entire time... enjoy! I Think John Piper's words might be my favorite part:


I come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who’s broken
The one who’s torn me apart
You strike down to bind me up
You say you do it all in love
That I might know you in your suffering

Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I’ll know every tear was worth it all

Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need

Though tonight I’m crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You’re still more than I need
You’re enough for me
You’re enough for me

[Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.
I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.
When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.
Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.]
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need


Until Next Time:
God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen


Saturday, October 12, 2013

HE SHOWED UP: Influence 2013 Recap

I've been trying to write this post since I returned home from Influence. I have stared at this blank white blog box multiple times now... I have typed and deleted words multiple times as well... I have sat and thought for a long time... trying to come up with the most perfectly eloquent words and ways to describe what Influence was... But the truth?! My experience wasn't perfect or eloquent, so why would/should my words be? The truth? Influence for me was overwhelming, and messy, and God made my heart a wreck. He tore it wide open and made me tender... He threw open the doors of my heart that I have worked so hard at shutting so tightly, and throwing away the keys to... And in the strangest way it WAS perfect... He was there, He showed up!! He showed up in getting me there, He showed up in providing the way, He showed up in roommates I had, and the people I had conversations with/interacted with  babbled like a bimbo at, in the sessions and the speakers I chose to go to (which I didn't pre plan,)  and in worship night where it all came to a head and I just let all the emotion out. He showed up in the moments when I just couldn't handle things anymore (like I was ever handling them to begin with.) He showed up, and whereas it really shouldn't surprise me... it does... And the lessons I learned?! I can't yet tell you what they are, because I'm not entirely sure of them myself.

Here's what I can tell you though:

I like to pretend I'm an extrovert
And from behind my computer screen I can sometimes pass as one
But truth be told I am very much 100% introverted (as anyone who met me may have figured out)
It won't stop me from pretending to enjoy/do extroverted things though
Like attend conferences... Don't get me wrong the last time I did this I attended Making Things Happen (and it's pretty much safe to say it changed my life, and now I can add Influence to that list...) God showed up at Influence, and wrecked me big time, in a way I desperately needed to be wrecked. He reminded me that I am His precious daughter and that He not only just tolerates all my shenanigan's, He loves me through them. HE LOVES ME, AND I AM ENOUGH!!

He taught me again that I am totally the one that breaks out in cold sweats in big crowds, and sputters out words that make no sense, and then thinks about it later and thinks, "What the heck did I just say to her?!" "She probably thinks I'm an idiot." AND TO LITERALLY EVERY ONE I MET: I AM SO SORRY!! <-- I promise I am not that weird if you were to meet me outside of the conference! Or if I'm not being super awkward, I'm being super creepy... again my apologies to y'all who I met that I may have creeped out.

He made me realize that I stalk a fair amount of blogs, but I am one of those people who never comments or says anything, and so even though I know many of the people around me and want to run up and chat with everyone, NO ONE knows who I am... So again I'm sorry I'm a no comment/interaction stalker lol.

He taught me that I buy into all the lies, all the time.

He taught me AGAIN that He is good, and that when He shows up, He shows up B.I.G!!

So thats what I know right now, and I'm sure much more will hit me as the days go by. I'm glad I went, but I'm more glad to be home because truth be told at the end of my "vacation" I needed another one to process all I had learned. And the "perfect" words don't exist to describe the weekend because it wasn't that... at least it wasn't for me, and that's ok!!

Until next time:

God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen

*Making Things Happen was almost an ENTIRE year ago (totally crazy) and I'm working on an update so stay tuned for that :D SO much has happened since MTH!


Friday, October 4, 2013

To the Single Ladies on a Friday Night

When I have a rough week and I'm already in the process of a major Friday night pity party because I am single and woe is me and my life is so rough... I probably should stir clear of the internets... I should most definitely stay clear of facebook, and twitter, and instagram because they will yet again remind me of how very very single I am... I've learned this lesson before, but of course I never learn things the first time, and I rather enjoy comparing myself to everyone else when I'm feeling sorry for myself (please read that with the appropriate amount of sarcasm required...) I logged in this evening to all of thee above only to find more people engaged, and more babies on the way... I felt the usual happiness for said people, and the usual twinge of jealousy cover my heart in a green cloud... how is it that one can be genuinely happy and jealous at the same time?! ... And then I had the genius idea to blog it out?! That maybe if I got the thoughts out of my head, and the feelings out of my heart that I'd magically feel better... but truth be told I know Friday nights (well and Saturday nights) can be hard, and lonely for us single ladies and I just want y'all to know you aren't alone... I feel your pain, and I know what you're thinking and feeling when these things happen...

BUT KNOW:

we are not forgotten
we are loved
and like someone wise at the Influence Conference said, that maybe God just isn't ready to share us yet ;p
... OH: and he IS out there

Until next time:

God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen


Monday, September 30, 2013

Finding my Voice

Part of me really wants to back track (which I may still) on this blog and catch you all up on whats been going on (since my posts have been far and few between) but part of me just wants to start the story from today... from this weekend. So I'm begging for some Grace ok?! Right here, right now, in this stage of my life I have Influence, and I want to talk about it. It was something said countless times this past weekend but it never fully registered until I sat down to type this in my much forgotten blog (well really it hit me on the plane ride home but still...)

I've struggled with the whole "having a blog" thing... I don't think my story is important to tell,  I don't think my life is all that exciting, I don't have a clear and defined "voice" here on the internets, but I have a story... a beautiful, often times sticky/messy story but a story none the less. I don't know exactly what I want this blog to be (and I was hoping I'd get answers this weekend...) And whereas I still have no idea what/where this blog is going I'm going to continue it... if for no other reason then to find my sometimes stifled voice. My voice in the midst of this crazy life. I don't promise it will be pretty, but how else does one find their voice on the internet besides simply typing to find it?!

Trying to process this past weekend is similar to trying to process attending MTH last October (has is REALLY BEEN ALMOST A WHOLE YEAR SINCE THAT?!)  So many wonderful thoughts, emotions, words of wisdom spoken... God wrecked my heart in a good way and I am beyond thankful I got to attend Influence!

Stay tuned for the recap, and if y'all have any ideas/tips/tricks to finding your voice on the internet let me know...

God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen

*Lightbulb: remember last year when I attempted The Nester's 31 days challenge?! Well you know it starts tomorrow and maybe I should do it on Finding My Voice?! Idk just a thought... what do y'all think?!

Monday, August 19, 2013

life lately

life lately has been good...
its been REALLY REALLY good!!
and God lately...
well he's blowing me out of the water as per usual. His goodness and his grace and his unfailing love some times stop me dead in my tracks... i have grown to love this little blog (I realize this may surprise you since it has been quite awhile since I sat down to post anything) but life has been so sweet, and blissful (and yes difficult at times too) since moving, that I'm trying to soak it all in.

I just wanted to let you know:
~ life is good
~ God is good
~ and if you're going through a hard time: it will get better

Until next time:

God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen

*I will try to make this little blog more of a priority because I really do want to scream His goodness from the rooftops a good deal of the time :)

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Long Before

It's weird to see how things play out or how they were in the works long before they ever really happen. This weekend made me realize another one of those crazy things... another thing God worked out/prepared for me YEARS before I ever even moved here.

Mannnnnnyyyyyy many moons ago, before I was ever even a Catholic I came to visit a very dear friend of mine who was living in Charlotte at the time. She was Catholic, and I would like to say I was considering it at the time but I'm not even sure that I was. Anyway, she was dying to go to Adoration and took me the most adorable little chapel I ever did see (from the outside anyway.) Now being the non catholic catholic at the time, Adoration 100% freaked me out... don't ask me why but it just DID!! (I find this funny now as well, because I adore adoration now...) anyway, I refused to go in with her and sat in the car, like if i went in, somehow God would get his way and make me Catholic a whole lot sooner... (God always gets his way, I just needed to put up a fair fight.) I think towards the end of her time in adoration I was beginning to get a little antsy sitting in the car (because you know I was in there MAYBE 10 min...) so I went in, but just for a minute so I could be like, "ok LET'S GO ALREADY!! that's what I remember from that. But I 100% remembered that little chapel...

fast forward to now... living in Charlotte, total Catholic girl that I am now. I was so petrified to look for a new parish... You see I had my "family" I had "my church." When I finally let go of the idea of finding a church identical to the one in Miami (which is impossible) I think I opened myself up to find a new place. I stumbled upon a few places, and just wasn't feeling it. I finally found Saint. Matthews but to be honest even though I registered and have claimed it as my new church I still wasn't 100% on it...

enter this weekend... My friend (the one who lived here back in the day, but doesn't anymore) was in town for a wedding I was going to this weekend. (side note: what a FUN wedding... I'd especially like to thank  the bride and groom for the lovely parting gift of my pounding head today ;p ) anyway we got to talking and I brought up that tiny little adoration chapel we went to (ok she went to) way back when. We thought for awhile and she named a few places and I was like, "nahhhh" that wasn't it... she even named Saint. Matthews and I told her, "your crazy I go to church there, there is NO way it's there, I would have seen it." We thought some more and came up blank... 

To make this story shorter it turns out that little adoration chapel I went to YEARS ago, before I even became a Catholic is in fact at SAINT.MATTHEWS!! I went to mass this evening, and drove behind the big new building that houses the church now (that must have just been built since that time) and there it was... that tiny little adoration chapel... and it sent chills right up and down my spine. At that moment I knew I was home... I knew that I didn't need to question my decision to join THIS parish anymore.

So long before I even moved here, HE knew... He had already prepared this parish for me years ago... before I was even a part of the big Catholic family.

that kind of blows my mind, and makes me smile so incredibly big :D

it makes me stop and wonder what he could be doing RIGHT NOW that I will figure out later on in my life he was setting up for my good :)

until next time:

God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen

Monday, June 10, 2013

Overflowing

have you ever experienced that feeling of your heart being so full that it may burst?! if you haven't you need to figure out how to make that happen, because it is the B.E.S.T and you are missing out. I suppose I haven't gotten that feeling for awhile but this weekend restored it :) this weekend was the very definition of doing what matters most/what fires me up. I unplugged and spent the weekend with my precious family I used to babysit for from Miami. My heart was filled to its very brim (like really it may over flow!) I also got to visit camp, and where as it was so strange to be a "visitor" in a place that used to be "home" I was so thankful for the opportunity to see everyone and have God help me realize (again) that I am in fact where I should be... and that as hard as it is sometimes the place I love so much was not in his plan this summer after all. I took my eyes off my phone, took REAL pictures (like with a camera) loved, and laughed with those kids till my stomach hurt, and genuinely just enjoyed my time; being present and living in the moment. It was almost like I was in a little foggy bubble all weekend, and it was just perfect. Pictures are worth a thousand words right?! So here are some from my weekend :)

 






Until next time:

God Bless,
Purposefully Chosen




 
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